Narrator here, reminding you that for me to get paid, you need to watch this television show I narrate... it's called Twisters.. or Twixsters... Twixters.. the bottom line is it has a title.
Anyways, it's premiering tonight on Bite TV at 9 pm. So, try and watch it for me.. you know since we're friends on Facebook or Myspace or You Tube or Blogger - you're basically obligated to now.
"Sometimes Narrators need to take up second jobs".
Narrating the lives of six people is demanding but it doesn't always pay the bills. When narrators need to make money they do what all artist people do - commercials.. sorry I meant teach.
On the issue of teaching, it is said that "those who can't, teach". What should be said is "those who can, sometimes need more money".
Teaching is an interesting profession because you spend half your life in school as a sheep and the other half in school as a sheep herder. Plus, narration work is harder and harder to get, now that Morgan Freeman does all film narration and Keifer Sutherland does all commercial narration. That leaves three jobs for myself, James Earl Jones and whatever the name of that J. Peterman guy is.
"Survey says: Type Cast"
With all this being said I reluctantly took a job as a teacher this summer for a local Narration and Performance College. I didn't want to teach but I did want to do the commercial for the college and to get that gig I have to teach apparently. I know what you're thinking and yes, it does cut into my time narrating the lives of the Twixters. Not all of the characters appreciate my "me time".
"Sometimes, Narrators feel sad"
I'll let you in on a little secret, "creative" colleges don't want you to succeed, in fact you just showing up there is a problem for the faculty. Why? Well look at this way, the most successful of my students will end up competing with me for jobs and the least successful of my students will probably teach and compete with me for a job.
So if you think you can do what I do, watch this ad for the College of Narration and Performance and learn more.
Okay, so sometimes Narrators take long weekends. Unfortunately something disturbed me so much this weekend I had to share it (and yes that picture does have to do with it.)
It seems as though society has a new obsession which revolves around defining our generation. Round up the usual suspects - Boomers? Well sort of... okay, hmm... what generation was before boomers again? It's been awhile since I saw the land before time...
The Culprit: That guy above! Meet Morley Safer of 60 minutes -it's either him or an artists rendering of what Gilbert Gottfried will look like in 120 years. I'll leave it up to you.
With that being said - does everybody know what time it is? (ok who just made the Home Improvement reference?... seriously that's never funny)
It's New DEFINITION TIME!
New Definition that will terribly describe our generation and totally miss the point: MILLENNIAL
And what are Millennials you ask? Well to 60 Minutes they're 15 minutes of filler, to us they're a boomers wet dream of what our generation is - useless, selfish, helpless, co-dependent "praise hounds" - yes Virginia, they actually do call us "Praise Hounds".
The Narrator presents useless moments in slang
Praise Hound: To search out and beg for "praise".
Use in modern Language:
Underage Girl : "Do you like this dress on me?"
Morley: "yo, stop praise houndin' baby"
Okay, I'm pretty sure Morley made it up.
the remix Some of you might not know this but...I like to do a bit of remixing in my spare time. I'm no Daft Punk but Morley Safer is no Kayne West, so it all evens out. So, let me take this minute to let you know my new video has just dropped. Meh.. even in print it still sounds wrong.
Note to self narrators are not hip. Here's the video.
I'd tell you to enjoy it, but I wouldn't want to be caught praise houndin' (I'm trying my best for ya Morley.)
They told me the key to a successful blog is to be blunt and honest. Wow, that's going to be hard.
Truth is - I didn't really want to blog. Hell, I'm not really sure how I even narrate a blog ...but it's a Canadian comedy show and they couldn't afford to keep paying a staff writer so, ta-da the first ever Narrator blog.
You may be asking yourself "what the hell is this?" if you were asking that - read the first line - it's a blog. (sighs, narrating is much easier on tv.)
In the coming weeks this blog will feature my thoughts on narrating a new generation Time Magazine tried to label "twixters". Narrator Note: That means they think we're "betwixt" aka "stuck" between adolescence and adulthood.
Plus, it's a catchier title on a magazine cover than "twenty-somethings stuck between adolescence and adulthood according to out of touch writer". Pop-up segue -Which brings us to the show that employs me.
You see, I spend my days narrating the lives of six twenty-somethings for the new comedy series "twixters" -------------------------- (insert shameless plug).
Oh, I suppose that means I need to actually plug the show. Okay I'm not getting paid enough to do this. While I call my agent - just watch this trailer, I'm sure it will help you get caught up.
p.s. apparently the characters are lonely and need friends - so add them to facebook under "twixters" or goto www.myspace.com/twixterstv . p.p.s - See that right sidebar - now there are links to facebook, myspace and youtube - that way I don't have to type this again. Signed, The Narrator
With that being said - does everybody know what time it is? (ok who just made the Home Improvement reference?... seriously that's never funny)
